Hello fellow bloggers and friends :)
So today, April 1st, 2015 marks the 7th year anniversary of my very first suicide attempt that almost cost me life in 2008. As I mentioned before in, "The Mental Game" blog post around this time seven years ago I had just been suffering from stress build up, bullying, and very low self-esteem issues that pushed me all to the edge. The night I took all my anti-depressant and other pills I found in the cabinet, I had every intention of giving up on life and I was ready to die. Thank goodness that didn't happen and my sister, who I've deemed my Guardian Angel, found me in my sedative state the morning of and saved my life.
It feels weird that it has been 7 years since that incident. I can remember that night like it was yesterday and all the internal feelings of self-hatred that I felt towards myself. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm not worthy of anybodies love or this life and that I must have been a mistake for me to be hear on this earth." And as I looked in the mirror and saw an empty hollow shell that was me I took those pills and desired eternal rest so that I may never hurt another person in the world or disappoint anyone again.
Today I sing a very different song than that night. Life to me is something that I do not take for granted because I have faced death straight up in the face. I am so thankful for life even though there are times where I get severely depressed due to the constant mood swings that are caused by the bipolar disorder. So for today's blog post I would love to talk about the seven things that I am grateful for in hopes that this is a constant reminder to all who read this that you can come out of any darkness that life may bring.
1. Myself
I am thankful for myself because there was a time that I didn't love me for who I am. The personal struggles and triumphs that I have gone through has birthed some of the greatest ideas such as this blog and other ventures to help people in the near future.I can finally say that I have accepted myself for who I am and what I am destined to become and for that I am grateful.
2. Life
I am grateful for life. This goes hand in hand with being grateful for myself. The life "I've had has been a struggle and it has not been easy. But because of the life I've had I have been blessed to share stories with people that may need to hear a little bit of encouragement to make it over that mountain. Life has taught me to appreciate everything that has and will be thrown at me and to be strong in the face of adversity. For that I am thankful.
3. Family
I am thankful for my family because they are the root that holds down my foundation. Without my family I would've been dead a long time ago. I would like to give a big shout out to my sister Courtney Anthony for always being there for me and loving me unconditionally without judgement. Also my Aunt Jackie, Uncle Kenny, Cousin Jamel and her boyfriend Vaughn, Aunt Jimetta, and all my other Aunt's, Uncle's, and Cousins who have helped me get back up when I have fallen down with love and encouragement. I would also like to thank my mother for not giving up on me and finally seeing me for who I am and not just the shell of human that I was.
4. Nature
I am thankful for nature because it has helped me along the way to remind me of life's beauty. The ocean in particular. Every time I visit the beach I feel so at home and one with mother nature and at my most relaxed. It reminds me that although I have the ability to be great and make an impact on this world that I am still this small little speck of a human and that anytime I could be taken out of this world. It kinda sounds morbid but it makes me appreciate all I have and to live to the fullest extent of my ability.
5. Talents
I'm thankful for all my talents because without them I would be lost. Most people aren't gifted with the ability to sing, dance, and share their stories and be so transparent. It's almost like a gift. So I am thankful for those gifts that I have been given for the use of good.
6. Understanding
I'm thankful for understanding because I am not able to empathize with the world in a much grander scheme. Because I have the ability to understand I'm able to empathize with people and better get to know a person on the inside rather than write people of for lack of understanding. A quality that I believe all people should be able to have.
7. Friends
I'm thankful for my friends. I may not talk to them all the time but when I need them for a boost of confidence they are there to be a pillar of strength. Especially my best friend Allie. Her and I have been friends for almost 9 years now and she and I have not left each others side. She is like a sister to me and I appreciate her and her family for being so close to me and always thinking about my best interests. Also my friends Shawn Ingram, Thomas Kell, Christopher Hickey, and Mario Queen for helping me mature and being positive role models for me to look up to.
All these things I've been blessed with have given me so many reasons to keep on living and keep on fighting the good fight. I don't take life for granted anymore and I sure as hell appreciate the opportunities and people that I am grateful for and will continue to be grateful for as long as I have breathe in this body.
IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR HAVING THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE PLEASE CONTACT THE SUICIDE HOTLINE AT:
1 (800) 273-8255
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO GET HELP OUT THERE AND SOMEBODY LOVES YOU. AND IF THEY DON'T I LOVE YOU AND WISH TO SEE YOU PROSPER!
Until Next Time
Peace. Love. Gratitude.
So today, April 1st, 2015 marks the 7th year anniversary of my very first suicide attempt that almost cost me life in 2008. As I mentioned before in, "The Mental Game" blog post around this time seven years ago I had just been suffering from stress build up, bullying, and very low self-esteem issues that pushed me all to the edge. The night I took all my anti-depressant and other pills I found in the cabinet, I had every intention of giving up on life and I was ready to die. Thank goodness that didn't happen and my sister, who I've deemed my Guardian Angel, found me in my sedative state the morning of and saved my life.
It feels weird that it has been 7 years since that incident. I can remember that night like it was yesterday and all the internal feelings of self-hatred that I felt towards myself. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm not worthy of anybodies love or this life and that I must have been a mistake for me to be hear on this earth." And as I looked in the mirror and saw an empty hollow shell that was me I took those pills and desired eternal rest so that I may never hurt another person in the world or disappoint anyone again.
Today I sing a very different song than that night. Life to me is something that I do not take for granted because I have faced death straight up in the face. I am so thankful for life even though there are times where I get severely depressed due to the constant mood swings that are caused by the bipolar disorder. So for today's blog post I would love to talk about the seven things that I am grateful for in hopes that this is a constant reminder to all who read this that you can come out of any darkness that life may bring.
1. Myself
I am thankful for myself because there was a time that I didn't love me for who I am. The personal struggles and triumphs that I have gone through has birthed some of the greatest ideas such as this blog and other ventures to help people in the near future.I can finally say that I have accepted myself for who I am and what I am destined to become and for that I am grateful.
2. Life
I am grateful for life. This goes hand in hand with being grateful for myself. The life "I've had has been a struggle and it has not been easy. But because of the life I've had I have been blessed to share stories with people that may need to hear a little bit of encouragement to make it over that mountain. Life has taught me to appreciate everything that has and will be thrown at me and to be strong in the face of adversity. For that I am thankful.
3. Family
I am thankful for my family because they are the root that holds down my foundation. Without my family I would've been dead a long time ago. I would like to give a big shout out to my sister Courtney Anthony for always being there for me and loving me unconditionally without judgement. Also my Aunt Jackie, Uncle Kenny, Cousin Jamel and her boyfriend Vaughn, Aunt Jimetta, and all my other Aunt's, Uncle's, and Cousins who have helped me get back up when I have fallen down with love and encouragement. I would also like to thank my mother for not giving up on me and finally seeing me for who I am and not just the shell of human that I was.
4. Nature
I am thankful for nature because it has helped me along the way to remind me of life's beauty. The ocean in particular. Every time I visit the beach I feel so at home and one with mother nature and at my most relaxed. It reminds me that although I have the ability to be great and make an impact on this world that I am still this small little speck of a human and that anytime I could be taken out of this world. It kinda sounds morbid but it makes me appreciate all I have and to live to the fullest extent of my ability.
5. Talents
I'm thankful for all my talents because without them I would be lost. Most people aren't gifted with the ability to sing, dance, and share their stories and be so transparent. It's almost like a gift. So I am thankful for those gifts that I have been given for the use of good.
6. Understanding
I'm thankful for understanding because I am not able to empathize with the world in a much grander scheme. Because I have the ability to understand I'm able to empathize with people and better get to know a person on the inside rather than write people of for lack of understanding. A quality that I believe all people should be able to have.
7. Friends
I'm thankful for my friends. I may not talk to them all the time but when I need them for a boost of confidence they are there to be a pillar of strength. Especially my best friend Allie. Her and I have been friends for almost 9 years now and she and I have not left each others side. She is like a sister to me and I appreciate her and her family for being so close to me and always thinking about my best interests. Also my friends Shawn Ingram, Thomas Kell, Christopher Hickey, and Mario Queen for helping me mature and being positive role models for me to look up to.
All these things I've been blessed with have given me so many reasons to keep on living and keep on fighting the good fight. I don't take life for granted anymore and I sure as hell appreciate the opportunities and people that I am grateful for and will continue to be grateful for as long as I have breathe in this body.
IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION OR HAVING THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE PLEASE CONTACT THE SUICIDE HOTLINE AT:
1 (800) 273-8255
IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO GET HELP OUT THERE AND SOMEBODY LOVES YOU. AND IF THEY DON'T I LOVE YOU AND WISH TO SEE YOU PROSPER!
Until Next Time
Peace. Love. Gratitude.