Dear ______,
It's been 7 long years since that day you took my innocence away from me and held it in the palm of your hand. You know I never addressed you about that night and I feel the need to let you know how I feel. To finally have clarity, healing, and to finally move on and have peace within.
We had been talking for sometime and you were so into me. I was just as into you. A little bit shy, quiet, and on the reserved side. But I opened up to you because you made me trust you. And I thought you'd never betray that.
I remember the pressure you put on me to have sex. I remember the times seeing you and make out sessions we would have that would lead you wanting more. I was a virgin at the time and everytime it got to the point of taking it to the next base I would stop and tell you I wasn't ready. At first you respected that. But the more you wanted the more agressive you became. I wanted to wait because i wanted to find the right time and be in love and have a cliché first time. I thought you would give that to me. That in time we would be in love. I may have only been 16 but the naive teenage mind I had held on to that hope.
I remember the night we went to the party. I had lied to my parents because I wanted to go to the party with you. I remember feeling uncomfortable and uneasy because there was drinking and I didn't have too much experience with it. You noticed that. I remember you handing me a beer and telling me, "Once you drink this everything will be okay and you'll loosen up!" So I drank the beer not knowing that in the next couple of minutes I would be in a daze and eventually fall into a deep trance.
I don't remember how I got to the bathroom. I don't remember how my clothes were taken off. I don't remember even consenting to this. All I could remember is waking up from this trance by the hot flaming coals of water that pelted my body as you hovered over me. I tried to fight back but, my body was way too weak. I tried to scream but you covered my mouth and told me, "Everything is gonna be okay," as you continued to take my innocence and shred it into tiny little pieces. All I could do is lay there and accept the fact you were taking this from me and I had no control. None at all. And when you were done you just let me lay there as the shower just ran and the water continued piercing what was left of the Kareem I once knew
You don't know how long it has taken me to build up the courage to come forward and accept the fact that you took my virginity away from me that night. You don't know the pain I faced coming to grips with the fact that the Kareem I once knew, died in that bathroom that night. I remember there were times that because of myself as only being a piece of meat and that I didn't deserve anything else. I thought that I was only good for a pretty face used for sex and nothing more. And it showed in my future relationships. Giving up my body before I gave up my mind. I didn't give myself the benefit of the doubt that maybe, just maybe I deserved the best and not to settle for less. But just like the Phoenix bird I have died and have been reborn from my ashes.
From this new journey of self-awareness I have now come to realize that I have allowed you to have had control over me since the day you gave me that drink. I've allowed you to keep me insecure and dictate my actions subconsciously and I didnt even realize it. I refuse to allow you to have that control anymore. I know I'm so much more worth it than I have ever realized before in my entire life. So with that being said I'd like to give you your drink back and forgive you with all my might and all of my soul for taking advantage of me that night. I hope and wish you nothing but the best and I pray God will have mercy on your soul.
You may have taken my virginity but you have not taken my fight for wanting to live a successful life. And I hope in the near future I will be able to sit down with you face to face not feel the anger that I have had harbored for years.
Thank you for reading this letter,
Kareem David Anthony
This was probably one of the hardest blog posts I have done in awhile and I hope anybody who has been in my shoes will come to the point where they can find forgiveness in their hearts. We dont have to allow these people to control our lives. We are strong and we are brave individuals who have the ability to become something great. Once we find the strength to forgive we can find the strength to love ourselves even more. Forgiveness is the final act of self-love.
Until next time,
Peace. Love. Gratitude.
It's been 7 long years since that day you took my innocence away from me and held it in the palm of your hand. You know I never addressed you about that night and I feel the need to let you know how I feel. To finally have clarity, healing, and to finally move on and have peace within.
We had been talking for sometime and you were so into me. I was just as into you. A little bit shy, quiet, and on the reserved side. But I opened up to you because you made me trust you. And I thought you'd never betray that.
I remember the pressure you put on me to have sex. I remember the times seeing you and make out sessions we would have that would lead you wanting more. I was a virgin at the time and everytime it got to the point of taking it to the next base I would stop and tell you I wasn't ready. At first you respected that. But the more you wanted the more agressive you became. I wanted to wait because i wanted to find the right time and be in love and have a cliché first time. I thought you would give that to me. That in time we would be in love. I may have only been 16 but the naive teenage mind I had held on to that hope.
I remember the night we went to the party. I had lied to my parents because I wanted to go to the party with you. I remember feeling uncomfortable and uneasy because there was drinking and I didn't have too much experience with it. You noticed that. I remember you handing me a beer and telling me, "Once you drink this everything will be okay and you'll loosen up!" So I drank the beer not knowing that in the next couple of minutes I would be in a daze and eventually fall into a deep trance.
I don't remember how I got to the bathroom. I don't remember how my clothes were taken off. I don't remember even consenting to this. All I could remember is waking up from this trance by the hot flaming coals of water that pelted my body as you hovered over me. I tried to fight back but, my body was way too weak. I tried to scream but you covered my mouth and told me, "Everything is gonna be okay," as you continued to take my innocence and shred it into tiny little pieces. All I could do is lay there and accept the fact you were taking this from me and I had no control. None at all. And when you were done you just let me lay there as the shower just ran and the water continued piercing what was left of the Kareem I once knew
You don't know how long it has taken me to build up the courage to come forward and accept the fact that you took my virginity away from me that night. You don't know the pain I faced coming to grips with the fact that the Kareem I once knew, died in that bathroom that night. I remember there were times that because of myself as only being a piece of meat and that I didn't deserve anything else. I thought that I was only good for a pretty face used for sex and nothing more. And it showed in my future relationships. Giving up my body before I gave up my mind. I didn't give myself the benefit of the doubt that maybe, just maybe I deserved the best and not to settle for less. But just like the Phoenix bird I have died and have been reborn from my ashes.
From this new journey of self-awareness I have now come to realize that I have allowed you to have had control over me since the day you gave me that drink. I've allowed you to keep me insecure and dictate my actions subconsciously and I didnt even realize it. I refuse to allow you to have that control anymore. I know I'm so much more worth it than I have ever realized before in my entire life. So with that being said I'd like to give you your drink back and forgive you with all my might and all of my soul for taking advantage of me that night. I hope and wish you nothing but the best and I pray God will have mercy on your soul.
You may have taken my virginity but you have not taken my fight for wanting to live a successful life. And I hope in the near future I will be able to sit down with you face to face not feel the anger that I have had harbored for years.
Thank you for reading this letter,
Kareem David Anthony
This was probably one of the hardest blog posts I have done in awhile and I hope anybody who has been in my shoes will come to the point where they can find forgiveness in their hearts. We dont have to allow these people to control our lives. We are strong and we are brave individuals who have the ability to become something great. Once we find the strength to forgive we can find the strength to love ourselves even more. Forgiveness is the final act of self-love.
Until next time,
Peace. Love. Gratitude.