Hello fellow bloggers and readers
So today's blog post will be talking about my one of my best kept secrets. One secret that most people including my family do not know about hoping to raise awareness for men out there that go through this. I want to talk about domestic violent relationships.
When you hear about domestic violence or abuse, the scenario is usually men beating up their girlfriends, wives, or even their children. But what we sometimes forget is that men can be on the receiving end of domestic violence and abuse as well. It's just not talked about because of simple thought that men should be strong and should always fight back. But there are some men out there that don't even have a fighting bone in their body due to low self -esteem issues and circumstances just like woman, that cause them to stay in relationships that are verbally and physically abusive.
In the summer of 2008, I met a guy (we will call him Ali for confidentiality purposes) during summer break and we became fast friends. Ali was a beautiful guy with handsome features and very well off due to his parents jobs. I was only 16 at the time and Ali was 18 so the fact that I was hanging out with someone that was out of my league was exciting. Plus it was a breathe of fresh air because prior to meeting Ali, I had been date raped by a guy that I thought had interest in me and was suffering from a low self-esteem from that incident.
Ali and I started to date after a couple of social gatherings and we started to become very close. He was a total gentleman to me and I wanted to make sure that I was always on his side for anything because I never had a guy be so nice to me. But the honeymoon phase would end when Ali and I had our first argument. I had caught him in a lie that he was seeing another person behind my back and had confronted him about it. Ali kept denying it and I kept on pushing the issue until WHAM! Ali smacked me in the face and proceeded to attack me until he was done. He then told me he was sorry afterwards and promised that he would never do it again. I was so distraught. He picked me up and kissed me and told I should go to the bathroom and was my face because my lip was bleeding. Keep in mind that at this time I was so fragile from my rape that I didn't have a full understanding on the concept of relationships. I thought this was normal. So I did what he told me do. I went up to the bathroom and wash my face and just stared in the mirror. The abuse would continue like this for months on end. I would blame my injuries on cheerleading because I was always getting hurt at some point in practice and it was a good excuse for me to keep it a secret. Besides I didn't want ANYONE to know about Ali.
Months passed and I stayed with Ali and several incidents of me getting beat up or being told very verbally abusive things occurred. I remember one time when we went to the Catholic High Carnival I decided to go get some cotton candy and asked him to spot me some money because I didn't have enough. His response was to say, "You don't need any of that. You are fat as is already. Let's go!!" in front of everyone in line. I just couldn't even believe it. All I wanted was $1.50 for a cotton candy bag and I was being embarrassed in front of the whole crowd. But, I stayed with him still just because I didn't want to feel alone and at that point in my life I felt very alone. After my suicide attempt and the rape, I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything good and that this is a good as it was going to get.
For 5 months straight all would become more verbally and physically abusive. I think my last straw was when he pushed me down a flight of stairs at his house that were pretty steep. Something inside me grew in that moment that realized that this relationship wasn't something I wanted anymore. I was losing my life day by day and little by little by staying in this relationship and that I needed to get out and get out right then and there. So as I lay there on the floor pretending to be unconscious Ali moves forward towards me. I sprung up and began to finally fight back. I was gonna get out of that room with my dignity and give him the same type of ass whooping that he had given me for those 5 months of being together. And that's exactly what I did. I then picked myself up and walked right out of his house and never looked back at him.
People always ask the question, "Why do you stay? You have the right to get out!" But like I said, when you're already at your lowest in your self-esteem and feel unworthy of the right one you will endure so much just because you think that's all you're gonna get out of life. And that's what I thought. Even though I haven't found the right guy yet, I have never till this day let anybody try to be verbally or physically abusive to me. I know if my partner has the slightest bit of that I'm chucking up the deuces and I'm out the door. Because now I realize that I have to live for myself and make myself happy. Another person is not gonna fill the void of self love and that's what we should all realize in all types of relationships.
If anybody is going through the same thing I have or knows anybody that is going through an abusive relationship please I urge you to call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They will help you find the ways to transition out that environment in a safe manner. Lucky for me I was able to walk away back to my family without any problems. But they will help you and give you the advice needed to get you to safety. And they are completely confidential.
I hope my story could shed some light on domestic violence from another perspective. It's not just a woman's issue but men like me have been through these things as well. But we don't have to take it. We need to realize our own strength and our worth and love on ourselves no matter how low we may feel.
Until next time
Love. Peace. Gratitude.
So today's blog post will be talking about my one of my best kept secrets. One secret that most people including my family do not know about hoping to raise awareness for men out there that go through this. I want to talk about domestic violent relationships.
When you hear about domestic violence or abuse, the scenario is usually men beating up their girlfriends, wives, or even their children. But what we sometimes forget is that men can be on the receiving end of domestic violence and abuse as well. It's just not talked about because of simple thought that men should be strong and should always fight back. But there are some men out there that don't even have a fighting bone in their body due to low self -esteem issues and circumstances just like woman, that cause them to stay in relationships that are verbally and physically abusive.
In the summer of 2008, I met a guy (we will call him Ali for confidentiality purposes) during summer break and we became fast friends. Ali was a beautiful guy with handsome features and very well off due to his parents jobs. I was only 16 at the time and Ali was 18 so the fact that I was hanging out with someone that was out of my league was exciting. Plus it was a breathe of fresh air because prior to meeting Ali, I had been date raped by a guy that I thought had interest in me and was suffering from a low self-esteem from that incident.
Ali and I started to date after a couple of social gatherings and we started to become very close. He was a total gentleman to me and I wanted to make sure that I was always on his side for anything because I never had a guy be so nice to me. But the honeymoon phase would end when Ali and I had our first argument. I had caught him in a lie that he was seeing another person behind my back and had confronted him about it. Ali kept denying it and I kept on pushing the issue until WHAM! Ali smacked me in the face and proceeded to attack me until he was done. He then told me he was sorry afterwards and promised that he would never do it again. I was so distraught. He picked me up and kissed me and told I should go to the bathroom and was my face because my lip was bleeding. Keep in mind that at this time I was so fragile from my rape that I didn't have a full understanding on the concept of relationships. I thought this was normal. So I did what he told me do. I went up to the bathroom and wash my face and just stared in the mirror. The abuse would continue like this for months on end. I would blame my injuries on cheerleading because I was always getting hurt at some point in practice and it was a good excuse for me to keep it a secret. Besides I didn't want ANYONE to know about Ali.
Months passed and I stayed with Ali and several incidents of me getting beat up or being told very verbally abusive things occurred. I remember one time when we went to the Catholic High Carnival I decided to go get some cotton candy and asked him to spot me some money because I didn't have enough. His response was to say, "You don't need any of that. You are fat as is already. Let's go!!" in front of everyone in line. I just couldn't even believe it. All I wanted was $1.50 for a cotton candy bag and I was being embarrassed in front of the whole crowd. But, I stayed with him still just because I didn't want to feel alone and at that point in my life I felt very alone. After my suicide attempt and the rape, I felt like I wasn't worthy of anything good and that this is a good as it was going to get.
For 5 months straight all would become more verbally and physically abusive. I think my last straw was when he pushed me down a flight of stairs at his house that were pretty steep. Something inside me grew in that moment that realized that this relationship wasn't something I wanted anymore. I was losing my life day by day and little by little by staying in this relationship and that I needed to get out and get out right then and there. So as I lay there on the floor pretending to be unconscious Ali moves forward towards me. I sprung up and began to finally fight back. I was gonna get out of that room with my dignity and give him the same type of ass whooping that he had given me for those 5 months of being together. And that's exactly what I did. I then picked myself up and walked right out of his house and never looked back at him.
People always ask the question, "Why do you stay? You have the right to get out!" But like I said, when you're already at your lowest in your self-esteem and feel unworthy of the right one you will endure so much just because you think that's all you're gonna get out of life. And that's what I thought. Even though I haven't found the right guy yet, I have never till this day let anybody try to be verbally or physically abusive to me. I know if my partner has the slightest bit of that I'm chucking up the deuces and I'm out the door. Because now I realize that I have to live for myself and make myself happy. Another person is not gonna fill the void of self love and that's what we should all realize in all types of relationships.
If anybody is going through the same thing I have or knows anybody that is going through an abusive relationship please I urge you to call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. They will help you find the ways to transition out that environment in a safe manner. Lucky for me I was able to walk away back to my family without any problems. But they will help you and give you the advice needed to get you to safety. And they are completely confidential.
I hope my story could shed some light on domestic violence from another perspective. It's not just a woman's issue but men like me have been through these things as well. But we don't have to take it. We need to realize our own strength and our worth and love on ourselves no matter how low we may feel.
Until next time
Love. Peace. Gratitude.