Today's topic comes on a day where we are embracing our blackness and showing love to the Black community. #BlackoutDay is probably one of my favorite things to see on twitter in a very long time because my timeline is filled with beautiful black people. Not to say that everyone isn't beautiful. But most of the time the representation of beauty is fair skin instead of embracing the beauty of all shades. I have embraced my shade of black and I am so proud of who I am today as a beautiful black man. But I didn't always think like that though.
I remember a time where I ashamed of my skin color. I have struggled with this issue for years and up until last year, I didn't realize how foolish I was to be so ashamed of myself. I remember it all started when my first crush in high school denied me even a chance to become friends with them because he didn't date black guys. This hurt my feelings. For years I've struggled with facing many types of men like this telling me that I wasn't good enough to even have a fair shot with them because I was black. Not giving me the time of day or not looking at what I had to offer. It really started taking a shot at my self-esteem.
Another contributing factor to being ashamed of my skin color was the history my skin has in this country. When I say history of my skin I mean the history of the many years that racism has played apart in building the foundation of this very land. From slavery to the Civil Rights movement the struggles that were faced from my people and my ancestors were too much for me to bear when I was taught these things. I didn't want to claim that nor did I want to expereince that. But low and behold and little did I know that I would experience not only rejection from the guys I liked based on race but, that I would expereince racially charged acts against me and even be called several racial derogatory words. Words that till this day make me want to punch a wall. Also being racially profiled by police in two incidents that almost landed me in jail. Because of these things I started to self deprecate myself and really start to hate what I have been gifted by God.
I remember at one point it got so bad that I looked into bleaching creams and other products to lighten my skin. It got even worse when I actually used bleach to try and save money to make my skin lighter and more fairer, like the models I saw on magazines and on tv. I was trying to make it seem like I had a sun kissed tan all year round instead of just being black. It hurt like a bitch to put myself through all this and that's when I had my epiphany. Why should I be ashamed of my skin color? The answer is that I shouldn't.
The society I was raised up in told me that black wasn't beautiful and they told me my features that I have weren't good enough to be seen as equal. But, now I see the fault in their eyes as they are missing out on one big point. I am beautifully made in the image of God and that I should be embraced for that image because God creates no mistakes. For people to deny any of God's children and how they were created is basically denying the word and those people will always fall short of the glory. This is what helped me get through this obstacle of self love and accepting my blackness for the beauty it is. Knowing that I am loved by him and many others that were born with this beautiful skin color gets me through.
Although I was able to wake up from this self hate there are still thousands of men and women out there that don't see there worth becasue they felt the same way. The one thing I can say to you is that no matter what you do your skin, the herritage and culture of it, is never gonna disappear. I also encourage you to look in that mirror and see the beauty of who you are and know that this was given to you by god. And he makes no mistakes. As for me I have stopped looking at what society has told me I needed to comform to to look a certain way. I am a beautiful black man and I am proud of it.
Until Next Time
Peace. Love. Grattitude. <3
#BLACKLIVESMATTER